We recently featured an article written by a friend of the Hearing Healthcare Practice. We’re now proud to feature a new piece, written by another or our valued friends, Sylvia Irvine-Robertson.
We’ve shared a journey of highs and lows over the years with Sylvia. Now she is sharing her experience with others and working as a volunteer with the charity, Hearing Link.
As part of her induction, she spent time reviewing the stages she went through in coming to terms with her hearing. In her words: “If my experience helps others to relate to their hearing loss, I will be most glad.”
We hope her words help others appreciate with the help of caring and dedicated professionals, there is still considerable cause for optimism:
The Stages of Hearing Loss
People diagnosed with serious or terminal illnesses or facing disability for whatever reason experience the same stages as those facing hearing loss. However, hearing loss is an invisible disability and there is considerable misunderstanding within society about it. Hearing people do not equate hearing loss with other forms of loss and therefore have difficulty in understanding the process hearing loss sufferers go through.
The Stages of Hearing Loss – Denial
Although I had some hearing loss for a number of years, I was in denial. I simply did not want my friends to know I had a hearing aid. It somehow made me feel a lesser person. Whilst this did not seem to pose significant problems at the time, in retrospect it was the beginning of an erosion of confidence.
When I suffered sudden hearing loss in one ear combined with significantly reduced hearing in the other, I was in a state of shock. My family did not know how to deal with it and I did not want to acknowledge it. I felt very sorry for myself.
I spent a long time in the denial stage and so even if I had known about organisations such as Hearing Link I probably would not have wanted to seek support and nobody encouraged me to do so.
My audiologist was the only support I had and he helped me begin a long journey towards a new life.
The Stages of Hearing Loss – Anger
Following denial came anger. Why should this happen to me and why is it that no one makes an effort to make sure I can hear? Family meals became fraught occasions, as I felt excluded and resentful. I had the attitude that I was suffering and what could they possibly know about it. It was a very difficult phase. I felt my whole life was in upheaval and could never be the same again. I bemoaned all the things I could no longer do, such as listening to music, films and most of all socialising/entertaining, which I loved.
I felt annoyed with my audiologist for not making me hear again.
The Stages of Hearing Loss – Bargaining
I realised that I needed to work on my rapport with my audiologist to get the best out of my hearing aid. To this end, I often took my husband along so that I could test out changes on him. I felt very dependent on my audiologist and terrified of having any hearing test as I had discovered I had lost my hearing in one ear during a routine test with a Boots audiologist. He was aware of this and dealt sensitively with me. If anything went wrong with the aid, I panicked that it was my hearing instead. I think I would compare this period to one of wanting to be looked after but doing little to help myself; a victim of circumstance seeking recompense.
The Stages of Hearing Loss – Depression
I gradually withdrew from seeing old friends because I did not see the point of putting myself through a stressful situation. If I did meet people with my husband in group situations, I couldn’t hold a conversation and was reliant on him to tell me what people were saying. He tended to provide few details so I ended up feeling as though the whole thing was a nightmare and came home feeling shattered.
I then refused to meet up and suggested he went on his own.
I spent more and more time studying, gardening and avoiding people. I dreaded questions in shops and anybody coming to the house to do repairs etc.
My confidence was diminishing rapidly and I was suffering from anxiety as a result.
I was anxious about meeting my son and daughter’s partners because I felt they wouldn’t see the real me and would feel sorry for me.
The Stages of Hearing Loss – Acceptance
The turning point for me was when my daughter decided to do a half marathon to raise funds for Action on Hearing Loss. They subsequently asked if I would share my story. The involvement with the organisation triggered a desire to take control of my life again. I joined a lip reading class, which proved the best thing I had done thus far. I even considered training myself. Not only do you gain a useful tool, it is an opportunity to share experiences and laugh. I also realised that the elderly have even greater reluctance to acknowledge hearing loss due to stigma. Many would rather not hear than wear hearing aids.
Action on Hearing Loss used my lip reading experience for their brochure and then my audiologist asked me to get involved with their website.
As a result, I gained confidence and started being upfront about my hearing loss. It had a knock on effect, as my family were proud of my efforts, which in turn encouraged me to move forward. I decided I wanted to see a hearing therapist and so organised it through my GP and that has actually been key to my on-going development. It has been an impartial sounding board and support mechanism.
I accept my loss now and want to get the best possible outcome in terms of a fulfilling life in spite of it. I’m still learning.
I now think the pleasure of seeing old friends and new outweighs the avoidance. I try to employ strategies to help me cope eg. controlling the environment. However, self-preservation is important and sometimes it is best to avoid.
There will always be days when people are rude, the strain of trying to hear is exhausting and I need time out but I’m better equipped to deal with such situations now.